I would like to thank Mr BF for his kindness.
Of sending me the link to the definition of DETACHMENT.
Your effort is much appreciated.
Also thank you for sending this song.
And the lyrics.
It is very well said.
Best described my feelings.
And don`t worry.
I`ll be detached from you.
As you`re detached from your selfish desires.
Last but not least.
I know I don’t have 100 readers.
But I know I have some :)
So to the people who read this blog.
And not married.
When all you think is about yourself.
When others desire to be loved is too much for you.
And when others are not balanced.
Please.
Do not be in a relationship.
No one would want to be in a relationship.
If that person don’t want to be loved.
Rasa mcm there`s nothing for me to look forward to.
Bangun pagi pun dah tak happy mcm dolu.
Dah tak de nak gelak2.
Nak senyum2.
Guess it`s too much of negativities.
: )
I feel like everything I have in life is taken away from me.
Bit by bit.
2-3 days back was the worst disaster.
When I felt like a group of ppl who I just found.
And who I just called family.
Was taken away from my life.
Rasa mcm tercabut nyawa.
Sangat2 kecewa.
But the next morning.
All the frustrations were swept away.
Saya cuba menjadi seorang manusia yang baru.
Tapi kemudiannya negativity itu kembali lagi.
Sampai hari ini.
Mungkin sbb saya rindu.
Nak di sayang2.
Mungkin sbb saya sedey.
Dan mungkin sbb am left alone.
But I have been taught to be detached.
Sedey jugak.
Coz nowadays I hardly feel the good vibration.
Kenapa?
Sbb saya lupa.
Sbb saya lalai.
Sbb saya tak berdisiplin.
Atau sbb saya mmg tak de di hati siapa2?
All I need is the thoughtless awareness.
That is all I am asking.
Recently I`ve met someone.
When I was out with Mr BF.
Well, Mr BF wanted to meet him la.
Let`s call him Sid.
Sid kept looking at me like he wanted to tell something.
But he did not.
He asked Mr BF on how long have we been together.
So Mr Bf said “2-3 years”
They then spoke in their language that I did not even understand.
Mr BF told me that Sid said there was something wrong with me.
Just by looking at my face he knows something was bothering me.
Anyway Sid is org bijak pandai jugak la.
Sid asked if I had any boyfriend before.
So Mr BF said yea.
One was a Muslim another was not.
Sid then told Mr BF that saya sudah kene “ikat”.
But he did not say much.
He wanted Mr BF to meet him in private.
But Sid advised me to soak my feet into a basin of water with rock salt.
So yesterday Mr BF went to see him.
Sid said that someone had used charm on me.
Mengikat saya supaya tidak kekal dgn mana2 lelaki.
Supaya semua lelaki meninggalkan saya.
And I will be left alone.
Without marriage.
Or any relationship.
And this was done by one of my ex-boyfriends or their relatives.
:)
That my life will never be great.
That my life will be like a wave.
Loads of ups and downs.
Which was not something new to me.
To my surprise, I was not even shocked when I heard this.
Coz in my heart.
I know Allah itu Maha Kaya.
Maha Berkuasa.
So then I was messaging with BFF.
She asked if there was anything we can do to UNDO this spell or whatever it was.
I said I don’t know.
And if it was destined that one day I`ll be cured.
Then I will be.
Now am thinking.
Should I tell Mama?
I don`t want Mama to worry.
Dah la Papa and Mama dok risau aku tak kawen2.
Dan jika saya betul2 “diikat”.
Seperti mana yang dikatakan oleh Sid.
Saya hanya berdoa dan berharap.
Manusia itu akan insaf dan bertaubat sebelum terlambat.
Dan dengan senang hati.
Saya maafkan.
How are you?
Tak update lately coz tak de cite pun nak update.
Life is packed as usual.
With some classes yg pening nak kene attend.
But I love my Tuesday class.
Anyway.
Mr BF is leaving today.
Outstation lagi.
Tetiap minggu outstation.
Bosan la saya.
So malam ni berjimba dgn org utan.
Eh!
This morning dok cerita pasal neraka dgn Mr Congo.
Reminded me of a lawak makan diri dan makan hati dan segala2.
There was a day me and Mr BF was fighting.
Gado manja la u olls.
Both of us ni kasaq sket kalau melawak.
So I was saying something to him.
If am not mistaken I said that he will be my kayu api.
In hell when Qiyamat comes.
He looked at me dgn muka tanak kalah and said
“Hang kuajaq kan?
Nanti hang masuk neraka JENAHAK!!”
I was like.
WTF!!!
Haha.
LOL.
Jenahak tu ikan la bongoks!
Neraka tu jahanam!!
Hahahahahahahhahahahaa.
Aku gelak tak hengat.
Sampai muka tak berapa cerah dia tu jadi merah.
Hahaha.
Terus member tukar topic cakap
“Jom Makan!”
Hahaha.
Even at times u really get on my nerves.
But you never fail to make me laugh.
But this one laughter will never be forgotten till my last breath.
Hahaha NERAKA JENAHAK!
Walking down the memory lane.
Saja nak kenang kat org yg dah tak ingat aku.
In my previous entry.
I did tell how I met Mr Congo.
Through someone who used to be my closest best friend.
I called him Mr IBM.
Well.
He was really a good friend.
Knew him through a friend.
Who was his girlfriend by then.
But the relationship did not go that far.
Since then he always talked to me.
On how heartbroken he was.
He would call up everyday.
Me on the other hand.
Felt a bit guilty coz I was supposed to be on my friend`s side rite?
But what to do?
My friend was really at fault.
So the friendship between me and Mr IBM.
Started off from college up to the time he was working in Intel.
We were so close.
He`ll even show me his girlfriend(s) to get my approval.
Haha those were the days.
He called my parents “Papa & Mama”.
He came to my place during raya and didn`t leave till midnite.
I went to his place.
His family loved me alot.
Heran jugak apsal kawan2 aku ramai LELAKI yek?
Well.
The friendship was getting on so fine.
Till one day he said he has gotten an offer from IBM.
And that would need him to move to KL.
Which in my opinion.
Was a very good opportunity for him.
But he still came back here and we would go for dinner.
The last time he came back.
We were talking till 4am.
He was telling me about this one girl he was getting closer with.
Someone he actually knew back in school.
I was very happy for him.
One day I had to be in KL for a job assignment.
He said he would be picking me up at the airport.
Together with his GF.
But I told him I would be meeting him only over supper.
Coz I had things to do.
So supper time.
I met him somewhere.
He hugged me as usual.
We had a good time talking and talking and talking.
That was the first time I met his GF.
She looked sweet.
We planned to have dinner the next day.
The next day came by.
I waited for almost an hour.
To receive a text that we were just about to make a move.
So fine.
I waited again.
This time another text came in saying they couldn`t make it.
His GF was having migraine.
Pulak??!!
Bengang la saya!!
So I went to sleep.
From that day onwards.
I had never heard anything from him anymore.
No call.
No text.
He didn’t come to see me when he was back here.
He didn’t even call up on my birthday.
I knew something was going on.
After more than a year.
He called up.
Saying he wanted me back in his life.
He had gone through shit times just to have me.
He said he fought for me coz I was the friend he loved the most.
By then I understood that his GF asked him to choose between me and her.
WTF???!!!
You have only met me once, woman!
And you Mr!!
Couldn’t you just tell me off so that I dun have to miss you?!
And wonder what the hell wrong have I done to you??!!
You have left me for a woman you just hanged out with.
And now you come back to pick me up just because your GF finally has accepted me?!!
Hang ingat aku anak kucing ka??
So that was it.
I told him I would never be there ever again.
And he left for the second time.
For good.
Last week.
I heard from Mr Congo.
That Mr IBM has registered his marriage.
With that woman.
Worse is that he didn’t even tell Mr Congo and his family.
Dear Mr IBM,
Sometimes I do miss you a lot.
For the years of friendship that we had.
But too bad you`re such an asshole!
May you be happy with your marriage.
With that woman!
