:: Tajuk ::

Okay.

It`s another Monday.

Things have been a bit better these few days.

I`ve gone to view my new place on Saturday.

The lady who`s gonna be my housemate looks pretty sweet.

I am praying hard that she is not another psychopath!

I just paid for the deposit this morning.

Haihh kene spend lagi.

Dah la nak bankrupt dah!

I even had told my current landlady that I would be moving out.

Of coz I couldn’t be telling that it was because of her.

But yea.

I wanna move out!!

So till this month end then.

I am getting better emotionally.

Problems are solved slowly.

With God`s grace.

Means lighter on my head!

Not forgetting those important people who play big roles.

Mama.

Mr SW.

Mr Congo.

BFF.

They have been supporting me throughout the hard times.

Owh sungguh rasa seperti baru memenangi anugerah.

Anugerah ini utk kita bersama!!

*sambil angkat2 mug ke udara mcm angkat trophy*

Owh sungguh over!

BFF just delivered to her new bundle of joy.

The baby is so cute.

Welcome to the world, honey!

Owh on the other hand.

I just got to know that a friend`s brother just passed away.

Worse was when he actually died in his sleep.

Without any sickness at all.

Be tough Boboy!

His time has come.

Btw have you peeps heard of the Eva Longoria`s divorce?

I used to love the couple.

Never thought that Tony Parker would be so stupid to cheat on her.

:: She Says ::

Been loving this tune for ages.
Was lucky to have it played on Fly.fm this morning.
Definitely made my day!

:: A Big Hug ::

At the moment when I feel like dying.

When I feel like I am almost giving up.

I just need a big hug so badly.

I just need a hug from someone and to tell me that everything is gonna be alright.

People say that.

“ The best way to lose something is by wanting it so much.”

But how to lose something I don’t even have it?

Hehehe.

Mr SW said to me yesterday.

“It`s all in your head.”

Which is true.

But show me someone in my shoes who won`t be thinking too much.

;)

God is great.

:: Nomad ::

Today I feel so relieved!!

Loads of things have been going on for the past few days.

I was exhausted till today.

And so far this morning has been better!

Hope things will be better again from now on.

I have been a nomad since Monday.

I have a home where I feel like I don’t belong.

I used to feel good when my landlady was away.

But since she came back donia saya menjadi gelap gulita.

I shall not tell you what had happened.

Coz I don’t want any of you to vomit blood.

And I don’t want you to get constipation too!

But I still want to tell that one of the things that had happened.

Was really something terribly awful.

Yang menyebabkan saya sembelit selama 5 hari.

Owh thank you my landlady.

Have you been wanting me to bond so much with my sisa buangan?

Argh!

Owh luckily today saya sudah membuang.

Sorry this entry mcm tak senonoh kan?

Yea dia dah bagi saya terkejut sampai 5 hari tak buleh beraks u olls!

Tu blom masuk lagi the list of Christmas gifts she`s been hinting to me.

I am so going crazy.

The condition of the house each time I come back home.

I just feel like killing myself.

I dunno why on earth do I always get stuck with some freaks!!

Or is it just me?

So I am in the midst of looking for a new place again.

Means again I have to spend the money I don’t have.

I have been sooo happy with my life even after I broke up.

I started to feel alive again.

I dunno why she has to come back and ruin everything.

God bless her.

I have to thank Mama & Mr SW for helping me out alot.

Merempat ntah ke mana2 la saya kalau dorang ni tak de.

Thank you for being there for me.

I can see that things are going on better with me and Mr SW after the break up.

I mean I can see us sitting down and talking like human would.

No more shouting and screaming and swearing.

Well, in a way.

It is good.

But I have to say that I know I am being emotional again now.

Not about the relationship anymore.

Tapi saya sangat pasrah dengan kerenah tuan tanah itu.

Dah la nak cari rumah bukannya senang.

I hope things will get better.

I really am praying.

On the other hand.

A younger cousin brother of mine is getting engaged on Sunday.

And apparently my parents will have to help out with the rombongan meminang.

Which also mean that I`ll have to be there.

Kalau tak Mama mesti buat muka.

And which also mean that I`ll be interrogated again.

“Bila nak kawen ni?

Awat tanak kawen?

Memilih sangat ke ni?”

I could see myself being stressed again.

Owh my god.

Can I just be happy for God`s sake?

                              handsome tak saya?

:: Save The Last Dance ::

Yesterday I didn’t really go anywhere.

I`ve got my menses early in the morning so I had some menstrual pain goin on.

But to think that Sunday is Mama`s Day.

I told her I`d still take her out.

We went out for a while in the afternoon.

She kept saying that we should be back home.

Since she could see that I was struggling with the pain.

I felt bad that I couldn’t take her out for long.

But I was really stubborn I didn’t wanna take the pain killer.

So I had to go home to rest.

I watched this dance movie called Center Stage Turn It Up.

I am a sucker for all this dance movies.

I love them all.

Step Up, Honey, Storm The Yard.

You Got Served.

I so love them all.

 

I love the story lines.

I love to see them getting in love while dancing.

Owh sangat jiwangnya saya ini!!

Saya kan kurang kasih sayang.

Bila tgk suma ni saya pun gedik la kan?

Well.

This one movie.

Turn It Up.

The story line was more or less the same as others.

The acting was not so cool though.

But it is acceptable coz that`s not why they are hired.

They are hired for the skills they have.

Their dances are awesome!!

They do more than just ballet!

But as of today.

My all time favourite is always Save The Last Dance.

I love how the story line goes.

A white girl moves to stay with her dad who stays in a Black neighbourhood.

She is a ballerina.

How difficult it is for her to make friends with others.

And when she falls in love with a black guy who is into hip hop.

They manage to combine the dances into one and it is so beautiful.

How they fight despite of the obstacles they face in their relationship.

But they could do it!

;)

When I watch all these movies.

I often thought that how good it would be if I could dance like them.

Boleh la saya mempunyai bofreng yang boleh menari dan handsome juga.

Owhhhh mula dah!!
And when I watch any movie where I can see the guy kissing on his girl`s forehead.
I`ll be so sad.
That`s all I wanted.
A kiss on my forehead would mean the world to me ;)
Dream on la kan?

Hehehe.

Coz when I watched the movies.

I started to think

“What`s so special about me?”

I don’t have anythin.

I don’t dance well.

I don’t look like a super model.

Hurm.

But again.

We are all born with our own specialties.

Whether or not you realize it today.

You surely have at least one with you.

Time will tell.

Owh mula lah saya nak balik mencari DVD tersebut!

Masa untuk berangan.

Save The Last Dance.

:: November 12th ::

Exactly 5 years ago.

On this date.

I was having a very good time in KL.

With my very2 good friends.

On Acapan`s birthday.

Hehehe.

I was not sure of my feeling towards Acapan.

But I did have a bit of love.

I think.

Yeaaaa aku tau kecik2 aku dah gatal!

So I have told Cik Putis and Cik Demok (ampun!)

That I`ll be celebrating his 21^st birthday in KL.

That was when a plan came up.

Cik Putis will be meeting him up somewhere.

Coz she would pretend like I have passed her a birthday gift to be given to him.

Then I`ll come up to him.

While planning.

Cik Demok said she wanted to come as well.

Coz she could settle some of her “stuffs” (ehem!) while being there.

Wow!

It was good to have everyone I love together to celebrate his birthday.

I went to KL a day before his birthday.

Siap merempit dengan Bon-Bon dari Bangsar sbb tak de transport nak pegi umah Cik Putis!

Hahahaha.

I have forgotten what I bought for his birthday.

But I remembered his favourite marble cheese cake from Secret Recipe.

We were at Times Square by the time he called up.

So we decided to wait for him at the Mc D near the theme park.

I was so nervous when the lift was wide opened.

And he couldn’t stop smiling till he comes to hug me.

I could see tears on his eyes.

Oh my!!

I was so happy!

Right after that Cik Demok arrived.

Triple joys!

We went all over KL together.

We had fun watching Chicken Little at Mines.

Where Cik Putis and Bon-Bon gaduh2 manja.

We enjoyed the view of Putrajaya when we went to Alamanda.

In Alamanda Cik Putis merajuk sbb Bon-Bon tanak amik pics sama2.

Hahahaha.

We were lost at the car park in Mid Valley.

Hahaha.

Not to mention some dirty thoughts Cik Putis has when 5 of us were in the room at Cititel.

Cik Putis.

U know what I mean!!!

We then headed back to Cik Putis`s place to have laksa berapi.

Gila aku sampai nangis2.

Masa tu ada org dapat nice neck massage owhhh!!

Hahahaha.

The next day we all met for lunch at our favourite spot.

Burger King.

We had so much fun there.

The best when I could see him smiling again all the time.

I felt that my efforts were all worth it.

After Cik Putis left with Bon-Bon.

Cik Demok left for Terengganu.

We spent some time together around KL.

We were having a very good time.

And that late evening.

I was suppose to leave.

But he stopped me.

After considering that I didn’t really spend good quality time with him.

I decided to stay for another day.

:)

Wow I didn’t realized I spent 4 days in KL for his birthday.

Till today.

Hahahaha.

The last day was somehow a bit slow.

I was sad to leave.

Lepak Petaling Street dolu baru balik.

Sbb umo 20 dolu mana mampu nak amik flight all the time kan?

Sanggup je naik bus.

Owh those were the days.

I was very2 happy!

He kept thanking me for giving him a great surprise on his 21^st bday.

A very appreciative man he was.

I myself didn’t really appreciate when he keeps saying “Thank you”.

As time goes by.

I could feel the heartache.

When all the birthday surprises I have given to someone else were not appreciated at all.

Instead that someone kept saying.

That the only birthday he could remember was when he was away in the UK.

Coz that was the best apparently.

Well.

Never mind.

Life has to go on.

To Mr S.

We didn’t make it together.

But it was fun having you around.

Wishing you a very happy birthday.

I am happy to see that you`re very happy with your marriage.

You deserve it :)

:: One In A Million ::

Haha.
Dalam dok feeling senyum while watching this video.
Sweet gila lagu ni.
But the end bit made me laugh like nobody`s business.
Hahahahahahahhaaha.
That end bit was soooo me!!

:: Bee-You-Tee-Fool ::

Another boring day.

I am so sleepy now.

Thinking of having green tea in a bit.

Or should I just go for coffee instead?

It`s been a while since I had coffee in the office.

Fuhhh rasa mcm nak switch off lampu and tido bawah meja.

Heaven!

On the other hands.

Things have been goin on well so far.

I am glad I have becoming myself again.

I used to have lack of confidence of myself.

I used to think I was not pretty enough.

I used to think that I was not attractive.

I used to think that I was a really useless GF.

Call me stupid.

That`s who I was totally.

For about 3 years.

Thanks to my ex BF now.

Well let`s call him SW from now on :)

Enough of the negativities.

I am now a whole new different person.

Or probably I am back to who I was 3 years back.

I am happy.

I am energetic.

I am free!

I started to gain my confidence back.

I started to feel like I am bee-you-tee-fool again!

I started to see the glow on my skin.

I started to appreciate the curve of my body.

Not that I am being so self conscious.

But OMG I just love myself again!!

I just don’t know how to describe the happiness I feel now.

After all the years of insecurity.

Of emotional turbulences.

I am recovering fast.

I guess it shows that I was really hurt before.

I`ve learned great lessons from the relationship.

I`ve learned to put myself first.

I`ve learned not to let anyone belittle me.

I`ve learned not to allow myself to be blamed all the times.

And I`ve also learn that whoever doesn’t like the way I am can get lost!

I have to thank SW for all these.

And most of all.

I have to thank Mr M.

The Iranian guy.

I don’t care if I was not the only girl you talked to the other day.

But you`ve brought the confidence back in me.

Knowing that I am still attractive to others.

:: Single & Lovin` It ::

I don’t really feel like updating this blog today actually.

Well.

It`s not that saya frust menonggeng tergolek dawg suma.

I am glad to say that it`s not that at all.

I am in fact a better human being.

And I am proud of myself.

Ecehhhh!!

Bukan la tak sedey langsung.
Sedey la jugak memula.
Nak kata tak lalu makan pun tak jugak.
Cuma abit slow la.
Satu sudu.
Satu suduuuu.
Tiga pinggan licin!
;)

I don’t feel so heartbroken really.

I feel so relieved after I broke up.

But I won`t deny that I was pissed of the way I was treated.

That one I will admit.

Definitely.

But to think of it.

There is no point having so much of hatred in me.

Not like it`s gonna change anything.

So I let go.

We`re still friends.

And I hope this friendship will work better than a relationship.

It is normal that once in a blue moon I would feel like I miss him.

But he would be just a call away ;)

Probably I am fine because I am still having him around.

Well I have not met him for few days now.

But I am fine.

Probably also I am fine because I am grateful of what I have.

The same life.

The same people around.

But no heartache.

Not having the feeling of being unappreciated.

Owh I tell you God is great!

Saya redha.

In fact I am happy of the way I am living my life now.

I`ve got to meet my friends.

And free to lepak till 2-3am.

I`ve got to meet Mama almost every day.

Well more or less the same routine but definitely better than last time!

This morning when I came to work.

I received an email with a quote that made me smile.

“Single doesn’t always mean lonely.

Relationship doesn’t always mean happy.”

Who ever came up with this quote.

You`re brilliant!

I am happy of what I have now.

I am grateful.

And guess what?

Very few friends of mine know that I broke up.

And worse was when most of them say things like

“Congratulations!”

And

“Let`s celebrate!!!”

Hahaha.

Thank you for being so mean u peeps!

Owh there was an Iranian guy who hits on me last week.

Not proud of it though.

But it`s good to know that I am not so UNdesirable anyway.

;)

I leave you guys with this tune.
I am so outdated that I only heard about Maher Zain today from Ms D.
I dont even know that he was here for a concert.
Cool tune though.

Thank you Ms D.
This is very soothing!!

:: Untitled ::

:: Time Heals Almost Everything..Give Time..Sometimes ::

A 2^nd entry for today.

It`s only 538pm and I have more than an hour to finish work.

The day is so damn boring!

Free pun aku complain.

Busy pun aku complain.

Human is really an ungrateful creature kan?

Why can`t we just shut the F up and carry on?

Okay ter-emo pula di situ.

Muehehehe.

Actually I feel a bit reluctant to write this entry.

For I think it is too private to be shared.

And also because few of my readers (aiyoo perasan sudah..ada readers konon!!).

Know me personally.

So it means that they do know him too.

I do not want to tarnish his reputation.

I should be thinking of his pride too (water face buleh?).

But again.

The initial idea of having this blog is for me to pour my feelings out.

And I think I had enough of taking care of others feelings.

While mine are being ignored.

Just now.

I was reading something.

Then suddenly a thought came across my mind.

His voice.

It was telling me something.

All this while I have been thinking.

That despite of all the wrongdoings.

I still loved that man.

But somehow there was one particular thing that hurts me so much.

It was killing me by days.

I just couldn’t figure what was that.

But after I heard the voice again just now.

Telling me that one thing.

I was in tears without me realizing it.

Thank you Mr MD for giving me this room.

Tak de la org nampak aku dok emo kan?

Then I decided to stop thinking about it.

I started to remind myself that despite being a bit unreasonable.

He was the one who made me smile and laugh.

Dgn sapa aku boleh melawak maki hamun bagai kan?

He was the one who would be listening to all my grumbles.

He was the one who I turned to whenever I need.

But then the voice came to me again.

Then I realized.

It is this one particular thing that has been haunting and hurting me.

All this years.

And yet I stayed.

Well everything happens for a reason.

I am sure it works the same for me.

If I have not met the wrong.

Then how am I suppose to meet the right kan?

Cehhhh..nak meet the right bagaiiii??

Masa emo dok kata tanak dah kan?

Serik dah kan?

Terkemaluan sebentar.

Well it was only a part of speech kan?

Hehehe.

Cover line lagi!

But seriously.

While you have never done anything wrong.

Even when your man has no intention of hurting you.

How would you feel.

When he tells you.

“ I have lost the desire towards you “

It kills me.

It sure does.

:: I Am A Big Big Girl ::

Those were the days when things were goin on very smoothly.

We loved this song coz it was very meaningful by then.

But now it is no longer a matter.

The game is over.

The love has far away gone.

The  desire of his I mean.

The love as someone so close and has taught each other a lot.

Would always be there.

I am grateful that I am not meroyan-ing now.

I am grateful that we ended this in a good way.

I am grateful that I will finally have my life back.

Not to say that my life with him was a hell.

But it was a bit of a disaster.

Hahaha.

I am glad that we are still friends.

Quite shocking that he finally decided on trying to have.

A friendship after a relationship.

:)

I miss those days when we`ll have fun at night.

I miss those days when we woke up smiling to each other.

And I miss those days when we always had something to do before leaving to work.

;)

Those were the days.

Really.

I know things have been planned.

I know everything has been destined.

But I also believe that what had happened was my Karma.

We know that God pay us back in cash rite?

There was a man who loved me so much.

Who was willing to sacrifice everything for me.

Who was willing to convert to marry me.

But I left him.

In fact I didn’t even take him seriously.

Because he was a freak who kept track about everything in my life.

Hehehe.

So now I have someone who doesn’t bother at all.

I mean I had.

Hahaha.

Life has taught me sooo much!!

But now.

I am all prepared if not so geared up.

I am looking forward to what life has to offer.

I am looking forward an emotionally-stabled life.

:: 02-11-2010 ::

I don’t have any intention of updating this blog actually.

Even when I just got back from Langkawi and I have loads to tell.

But I just need to capture this date today :)

02-11-2010.

Nice number :)

Number 2 will never leave me alone.

No?

Hehe.

Great day ahead ppl!