:: Happy New Year ::

2010 is going to be over soon.

The year that has brought so much meanings to my life.

The year that has taught me a lot.

The year that has made me realize.

Owh my.

The year that has made me a realized soul ;)

Despite being pissed at Papa for loads of things.

I am grateful that Mama`s life is much better than those years.

I am grateful that Papa actually tries to work things out.

Common topic often discussed by me and Mr SW.

“ If you were to have a miserable domestic life.

Would you prefer the life with or without money?”

Hehe!

A lot had happened throughout this wonderful year.

Yeah it is still wonderful despite the painful break up.

I have lost a boyfriend.

But God has given me a new very2 good friend.

I shall not elaborate more but it is enough to say.

That this new thing is working on well.

It seems like that to me though.

:)

God also has granted me with some other good friends who are always there when ever I need them.

I have Mr Congo.

I have BFF.

I have Cik Putis.

I have Ms D.

I have loads others.

I have friends who never leave me at times I need them the most.

Career wise.

Sometimes yea I do feel like kicking someone`s arse.

There were also times I feel like choking others.

(Owh I really sound like Limah Jongs now)

But to think of everything.

Which company will always be in good condition?

I mean the people and the environment.

There must be some times when we`ll have different opinions.

Well.

I hate this people at times but I do know that I love them too!

They`re idiots (hehe) but they also make me happy.

Mr MD could be an arse today but tomorrow he`s all a good friend could be.

Financially I might not be very happy here.

But to think of it.

I am so very lucky to be in this position now.

Some other people out there might not even have a job!

God is great.

On top of that.

I realized a lot of things on how.

Not only a relationship, but a friendship should be.

Again I have to say that the book.

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

Is a freaking good book that has opened my eyes.

It is so surprising to know that a lil sense of understanding would make a huge difference.

I am all a better human now.

At least I hope I am.

And I am looking forward to what 2011 has in store.

Farewell 2010.

Welcome 2011.

Owh our Bolehland won the Suzuki Cup.

Pak Cik Misai Putih memberikan public holiday on Friday.

But let`s see whether Mr MD would declares the same.

;)

Happy New Year, peeps!

:: Boycott ::

While I was blog-hopping.

I found myself on Alia`s.

I always like the way she tells her stories.

The way she draws her cepat-tepat-dan-padat-cartoons.

They`re cool.

Alia.

I do agree with you.

You rawk!

Today she writes about us being Malaysians.

I do agree on what she says.

When we receive chain-emails on some moves.

Like boycotting this and that just because they`re from the West.

We`ll be so semangat-berkobar-kobar to circulate those emails.

Showing to others that as an Islamic country we should really ban these products.

Because of so and so.

Boycott Coke.

Boycott Mc Donalds.

Boycott this and that of American products.

Why?

I don’t have to elaborate further on this.

Despite of knowing that some of our brothers and sisters might lose their jobs.

We still want to boycott without thinking outside of the box.

For we think that rezeki ada di mana-mana.

Insya Allah.

It`s true.

Rezeki ada di mana2.

Boycott la barangan tu suma.

Dah alang2 memboycott.

Boycott la jugak the usage of the computers.

The mobile phones.

Those iPad and so forth.

Please bear in mind that those gadgets you are using now don’t come from Malaysia.

They come from the ideas of those Jewish and Whites and who-ever-they-are but Malaysians.

Even the internet you`re using now is not Made In Malaysia.

I am not against anyone here.

But I think we are more educated to think of which is the best for the country.

Kalau ko nak boycott sangat.

First thing you have to do is.

STOP BEING ON FB, YOU PEOPLE!!

:: Ayaq Owh Ayaq ::

Dalam banyak banyak pulau.

Pulau apa yang tak dak ayaq?

That`s the question of the day.
:(

Last night I went home late.

I was out with Mr Congo melepak kat Chili`s.

Finally I got back home after 2 weeks merempat kat rumah Mama.

Tengok bilik dah jd macam store.

So I started cleaning up.

That was when one of my housemates got home.

Talked to her for a bit then I continued my work.

I`ve forgotten to remind her that there would be a water supply interruption.

After cleaning up my room.

I went to take shower.

By then I kept some water in the tank.

That would be sufficient in the morning just in case I got up late.

Plus the interruption would be at 8am and she will be out before that.

I was sure she would use the shower instead.

But to my surprise.

When I woke up.

The water was not in the tank.

At all.

I noticed that she was around so I asked her.

She said the water supply was still there when she took shower.

Dah tu ko abihkan air dalam tank tu buat apa?

Dah mandi tatau nak isi balik??!!
Dangggggg!!!!

Dengan segera called Papa.

He said all apartments should have extra tankers for situation like this.

But why they don’t have that at mine?

Well nevermind.

Dengan muka paling suci bak bidadari syorga.

Mata pun dok mamai lagi.

I sped to my Mama`s.

Di sana sempat bermandi-manda sambil menyanyikan lagu.

“Kelapa dan orked.

Baik untuk rambot”

Dah siap nak kuar ke office.

I received a text from her saying sorry.

She didn’t know that there will be an interruption.

Tidak mengapalah.

Saya sudah mandi.

Then on the way to work.

I realized something.

(Owh sangat banyak realizations terjadi semenjak dua menjak ini)

I realized that I was not pissed with her at all.

I was not pissed that I might not be able to come to work.

I was not even pissed of the possibilities of coming to work without shower.

Even on the way to Mama`s just now.

I was thinking.

Everything happens for a reason.

Probably it is destined for me to escape from something.

Wallahua`lam.

Maka dengan itu.

Saya dah mandi!

:: Yesterday..Today..And Tomorrow ::

Today is a big day.

It might look just as another day.

But it means a lot to me.

Today I realized so many things.

This morning I did my meditation after so long.

I found out that the last I wrote to Mother was 3 months ago.

How bad is that?

I took things for granted and only realized when I was about to lose it.

I have lost a lot in fact.

But I am still lucky that I still have the opportunity to regain.

Today I miss Mr SW so much in the morning.

The thought that this 27^th was supposed to be our anniversary.

Was just too painful for me to accept.

I then did my meditation for quite sometimes.

And I found that my heart was very much lighter.

It was so serene I didn’t want to stop.

:)

I started telling myself that regardless of how difficult it could be.

Whether or not I want.

I still have to move on.

Yesterdays were memories.

Yesteryears were not coming back.

And I should be happy that we both are happy.

With the way we are taking things now.

We still have each other.

Despite this break up.

At least I still get to see him whenever I want.

Unlike Kak Meen.

Her hubby will never come back.

I don’t know how is she going through all this.

But I hope God will give her all the strengths she needs to pull through.

Her hubby passed away last week in her arms.

He`ll be buried in the UK tomorrow.

Al-Fatihah.

Owh how God has been easy on me.

Then I started thinking.

Lately I have been reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

It opened up my eyes.

He was not the only wrong-doer in our relationship.

I was to share the fault too.

He might be a bit rebellious.

But I was supposed to understand better.

I shouldn’t be too pushy when he couldn’t deliver.

I shouldn’t have any high expectation.

I could see the things that I did wrong too.

That book is really freaking good.

All this while I thought I have been doing all the right things.

But no.

Well I do not want to say “If I could turn back time” and so forth.

For I am grateful of who I am now.

Things happened the way they are destined.

The book came to me after my break up is also in my destiny.

I wish to be a better person in the future.

I will not deny that sometimes it feels so painful when I suddenly miss him.

But I know everything happens for a reason.

I wish you the best of luck, Mr SW.

Okay enough of being emo.

Just now after my meditation.

I opened up a drawer where I keep my company camera.

I was shocked that it was not there.

But I was not panicked.

Okay that was a huge improvement!

I was not panicked!!!

I bandhan then I started asking my colleagues if anyone sees it.

But to no avail.

Someone could have come into my room when I was on few days medical leave last week.

Still not panicked.

I was chatting to a colleague.

She told me not to worry.

I still didn’t feel anything.

About an hour later.

Another colleague came in and asked whether I have found the camera.

Which I answered

 “No”

She then asked me

“ You wanna know the truth? ”

I said

“ Yes “

She then explained

“ We were panicked that the camera was nowhere to be seen.

Then someone remembered seeing it in your room.

So Eric went into your room to take it”

Fine.

Then I asked her

“ Why only now you`re telling?

When I asked just now you said you have no idea?”

She said

“ We wanted to fool you.”

She smiled and walk away.

I tell you.

She should be grateful that I just did my meditation.

Before I found out that the camera was gone.

If I were to be so emo missing Mr SW and they were making this stupid joke.
My vocab would have increased tremendously.

God knows what kind of bad words will be showered with so much of love to her.

And I then again realized.

My bandhan worked!

Thank  God!!

Lets see what tomorrow has in store.

:: I Miss You ::

Ari ni emo lagi.

Bukan emo pasal tak buleh dok kat England.

Ari ni emo sbb rindu kat Mr SW.

Ntah la kenapa lately asyik rindu kat dia.

Not that I`ve not met him at all.

But yea.

I just tend to miss him more and more by days.

I guess this is so me!

Last time bila break up dgn my ex pun.

I was very fine on the first few weeks.

Masuk je 3^rd ke 4^th weeks.

Mula la meroyan bagai.

But this time tak de la meroyan.

Rindu jugak la.

Bley jugak la kuar air mata sebesen dua.

Hehehe kidding.

It`s good to see that he`s happy with his life now.

Been busy with work and no one is there to be an attention freak.

He`s free to do anything he wants.

We`ve been in touch.

We`re still  friends anyway.

We met quite often.

Maybe I shouldn’t.

But God knows now how much I miss him.

Going back home to be all alone is not helping.

Nak je pegi rumah Mama tapi mcm tak comfortable pulak.

Dah la dengan red flag lagi.

And kalau asyik nak lari sana sini sbb tanak rasa lonely.

I dunno if I still love him.

But looking at him being happy now.

Making my heart filled of joys.

But why do I miss him so much?

Have I not moved on?

Haihhh.

I miss you so much.

It hurts.

:: Tak Boleh Dok Kat England ::

Hari ini hari Selasa.

Sejuk gile siap pakai jacket on top of the cardigan.

Of coz the cardigan is worn on top of something else.

Tak pasal2 jadi emo sbb rasa mcm tak buleh nak dok kat England.

Emo gila2 sbb rasa mcm kalau sejuk sbb ujan lebat dan aircond pun dah pakai baju banyak2.

Rasa macam duduk dalam fridge.

Bagaimanakah mahu tinggal di England?

Emo emo emo.

Lepas emo2 baru teringat sesuatu.

Bila masa pulak aku nak dok kat England?

Hahaha.

Bongok sungguh hari ini.

Owhhhhh PMS.

Cepat la berlalu.

Sejak2 PMS ni.

Di tambah pulak dgn cuaca yang hujan tak henti2.

Dgn aircond yang tetiba slalu sejuk menyucuk ke tulang.

Selera makan yang sudah sememangnya seperti jin pun bertukar kepada reksasa ganas.

Dalam keteringinan yang membuak2 untuk memakan tomyam panas.

Sebungkus besar oreo ditelan dalam masa tak sampai 10 mins.

Kemudian sebungkus nasik goreng ayam menjadi mangsa.

Adakah aku akan bertukar menjadi Misha Zulaikha?

Owh tidakkkkkk.

MZ.

I miss you :(

Okay.

Emo kembali.

Mahu mencari makanan lagi.

Update :

Tadi pegi mencari asam di seluruh office.

Suma org ada sweet je.

Sedikit hampa.

Pegi kat finance dept.

Kakak Ninja mempunyai asam.

Fuhhhh.

Alhamdulillah syukur nikmat.

Kepada Tuhan yang member rahmat.

Dah abih makan asam.

Tak cukup.

Call ke despatch boy nak mintak tlg singgah 7E before balik office.

Me         :  A, balik office jap lagi tlg pegi 7E beli asam.

                   Aku dahaga asam la.

A           :  Hang awat? Hang mau asam ka ayaq?

Owh my god.

Penyakitku datang lagi.

Salahkah aku?

:: Entry ::

Had a great lunch.

Nasik kandaq sempoi punye bersama ayam yg sedap!

Last night was the first night I stayed at my new place.

Yea pindah dah seminggu tapi masih merempat sampai la smlm.

Kepada yang menjaga saya selama ini.

Thank you very much for the great time.

I feel loved.

To Mr Congo & Mr SW.

Thank you so much for your help semasa saya pindah.

So back to last night.

I was back home around  8 and fixed my curtain “selit”.

Everything looks cool in the room.

I left for dinner with Mr Congo at Subway after he finished work.

By the time I came home.

I saw my new housemate Ms K was picking up something from the car.

Owh yea I have 2 housemates, Ms K and Ms P.

Both are sweet and cool.

So far.

So they were happy to see me settled in my room.

I settled everything within 1 day but they have been there for a week.

And still mcm org gila.

Hahaha.

We were talking while having hot drinks.

Ms P went into the room and Ms K started asking me.

Whether the friend I told who passed away of an accident was the one she reads on the newspaper.

Yea that was the one!

Then we started talking about our so called BFs when she mentioned that she broke up 2 weeks back.

Owh my!!

It was about 3 weeks back that I met them both when I viewed the room.

They looked happy together.

And I thought I was the only person bringing in my break up story.

She said they were together for 3 years.

And the BF called it off because he thinks that they can`t manage having 2 religions when they`re married.

The BF is Christian and Ms K is a Hindu.

Seriously.

I thought these kind of things are only problems for Muslims.

I never thought it would happen to others.

But yea.

Shit happens.

We were talking and she was a bit sad but she was smiling.

She said it`s good to talk to someone who has been there and done that.

Well.

I don’t know.

Hahaha.

Owh she even said that she thought “My Boyfriend” was a MAMAK.

Read : MAMAK!!

Hahahahahaha.

I went to view the house with Mr SW.

So Mr SW.

I am sorry.

You are no Italiano.

Pinjam pic Azad kejap letak sini untuk memberi kesan lebih MAMAK.

Hahaha.

I hope Boboy doesn’t read my blog!

:: Happy Birthday! ::

About 6 years back.

I was quite active in this one famous forum.

Owh definitely bukan forum Cari yek!

From this forum that I shall not named.

I got to know so many good friends.

We shared so many ups and downs together.

We gave each other supports and encouragements.

We were like a big family.

Till today we are still close to each other.

One of them.

Was Cik Putis

She was among the first few that I knew.

After sometimes being friends on the forum.

We finally took a bigger step.

To chat on Yahoo Messenger.

I still can remember very clearly.

The first time we chat.

Adalah sangat sopan!!

I was at the sales office on a weekend.

Working my ass out.

While chatting.

Lalalala.

Then this Red Ribbon added me on YM.

I was happy!!

“Femes gile ni Red Ribbon nih!!

Dia add aku!!”

I was talking to myself.

So I happily accepted the request.

Maka bermulalah kisah persahabatan yang baruuuuu.

It was something like this.

Red Ribbon              : Hi Boo!

Boo                        : Hi Red!

Red Ribbon           : Boo kat mana?

Boo                        : Boo kat office. Red kat mana?

Red Ribbon           : Red kat umah je. Boo dah makan?

Boo                        : Dah. Jap tadi makan KFC.

Red Ribbon             : Eh, Red pun makan KFC!!

Boo                        : Eh eh sama la kita!!Sehati dan sejiwaaaa.

Hohoho.

Macam sedikit syial je masa ni.

Sungguh skema.

But that was the day that I got to know her better.

Only after a year I got to meet her in person.

Tu pun sbb birthday Accapan!

Gila putis pompuan ni.

Mata sepet macam Korea.

We always call her Korea Sesat.

She is well known of her makan-tebuan attitude.

Asyik2 nak baran.

Asyik2 nak maki.

Buat salah dgn dia maka kena la kau!

Serioussss mak tebuan!

Hahaha.

Tapi dia comel.

(Okay itu ayat cover)

Tapi sejak dua menjak ni.

Dia dah sejuk sket.

Maybe sbb dah akil-baligh.

Atau mungkin sudah menopause.

Okay2.

Tanak cite panjang2 dah.

Nanti kene maki dgn mak tebuan.

Dearest Cik Putis,

Happy twenty tuttttt birthday.

May you be blessed all the time.

May you find pengganti Bon-Bon.

This time I`ll name him Pon-Pon.

May you be an Ustazah if you ever gonna get married to an Ustaz.

Muahahaha.

I love you,babe!

:: That Girl ::

Today is Friday.

Esok dah boleh pindah rumah baru.

Legaaaaaa.

Tapi blom 100% lega sbb blom pindah lagi.

Esok akan menjadi bibik mengemas rumah.

Lately.

Rasa mcm scary.

Sbb bila something bad about to happen.

I tend to feel a very strong indication.

I think this is the 2^nd or the 3^rd time.

When I suddenly think of someone.

For quite sometimes.

Like a week or so.

Org tu meninggal!

Serious.

Okay for those who know me.

Better main jauh2 okay.

Hahahaha.

Since a week back.

I have been thinking of an ex-colleague.

We were not very close even though she was fine with me when she first joined the company.

This was like 3 years ago.

She was a friend who by then was so close to Mr SW.

I heard they were together.

I didn’t even bother.

I wasn’t even into him at that time.

But then an event was held and I got Mr SW as my partner.

From there the feeling actually started to bloom.

But I didn’t want it coz I thought he was with this girl.

Till he told me that nothing was happening between them.

So after sometimes.

We were together.

Suddenly the girl became so pissed at me.

Tapi dah takdir kan?

Muehehe.

What I really couldn’t forget about her.

Was when we had a complication about a deal we closed with this one ministry.

It was supposed to be mine coz I have been doing everything accordingly.

But she said it was hers because she had been following up even before me.

But without recording it down.

She was even more pissed at me.

I still could remember how b*thcy (sorry to use this word on her now) she was.

The way she folded her arms.

The way she talked and screamed.

Owh I felt like slapping her face!!

But I gave in and told my director to give the deal to her.

Then off she went out of the meeting room showing a very satisfied face that she has won!

But she didn’t know.

She might win the war.

But I have won the battle ;)

Honestly.

By that time I really thought.

It was just a deal.

Only few hundred Ringgit of commission.

And also.

I really thought that.

She wanted to be with Mr SW so much.

But she didn’t get him.

Now it`s just a deal.

Let her have it.

Kesian u olls.

Hahaha.

But.
Since last week I have been thinking of her.

After these 3 years.

Looking at her pics on FB.

I knew she was depressed.

I knew she was not happy.

I knew something was going wrong.

But who I am to say anything?

I have been thinking of her a lot lately.

Till last night when I was driving.

My heart was pounding so hard.

It was so hard I found me rubbing my chest.

Tummy was very upset.

It was so stressing out.

Until I received a call.

A friend said.

“ Tush..ada kematian..it`s ****.

She met an accident last night.”

I asked so many times to.

I even said out her full name to be sure.

I hoped I heard it wrongly.

But what I heard was indeed the right name.

I shivered in the car.

Called to Mr SW.

Apparently he was having the same feeling.

I felt so sad and shocked.

Felt like my heart stops.

But why did it happen this way.

Was she still pissed at me?

I don’t know.

What ever it is.

RIP girl.

December.

I just wished that you could be good to me.

I never knew this was what I was getting.

:: Fireworks ::

Hurm.

It`s been more than a week since I last updated this blog.

Loads of things have happened throughout this one week.

But I don’t feel like writing about them.

Coz of most them are disasters.

But good things did happen too.

Settled everything with the new place.

Hope to pick up the keys tomorrow.

And on Saturday I will be moving in.

I can`t wait.

Again I am praying hard.

I hope the 2 new housemates are not psychos!

1^st day of the last month of the year.

I hope this month will be good to me.

Despite having some menyampah-meluat-otak-bernanah moments with my psycho landlady just now.

I actually received a good news early in the morning from Mr SW.

So the day had actually started off with something pleasant.

Looking forward to move into the new place on Saturday.

And also looking forward to the new year.

Owh.

This got me thinking of last 3 years` eve.

Chenta baru nak berputik that time.

I was out with Mr SW and we watched fireworks.

Spent so much time in Coffee Bean instead of a club till 4am.

And couldn’t sleep till 7-8am coz of the caffeine.

Hehe.

That was one beautiful moment.

But never mind.

I am looking forward to what life has to offer.

On the other hand.

Cik Putis actually is making plan for Sarawak Rainforest Music Festival next year.

Hope everything will work out well!!

:: Tajuk ::

Okay.

It`s another Monday.

Things have been a bit better these few days.

I`ve gone to view my new place on Saturday.

The lady who`s gonna be my housemate looks pretty sweet.

I am praying hard that she is not another psychopath!

I just paid for the deposit this morning.

Haihh kene spend lagi.

Dah la nak bankrupt dah!

I even had told my current landlady that I would be moving out.

Of coz I couldn’t be telling that it was because of her.

But yea.

I wanna move out!!

So till this month end then.

I am getting better emotionally.

Problems are solved slowly.

With God`s grace.

Means lighter on my head!

Not forgetting those important people who play big roles.

Mama.

Mr SW.

Mr Congo.

BFF.

They have been supporting me throughout the hard times.

Owh sungguh rasa seperti baru memenangi anugerah.

Anugerah ini utk kita bersama!!

*sambil angkat2 mug ke udara mcm angkat trophy*

Owh sungguh over!

BFF just delivered to her new bundle of joy.

The baby is so cute.

Welcome to the world, honey!

Owh on the other hand.

I just got to know that a friend`s brother just passed away.

Worse was when he actually died in his sleep.

Without any sickness at all.

Be tough Boboy!

His time has come.

Btw have you peeps heard of the Eva Longoria`s divorce?

I used to love the couple.

Never thought that Tony Parker would be so stupid to cheat on her.

:: She Says ::

Been loving this tune for ages.
Was lucky to have it played on Fly.fm this morning.
Definitely made my day!

:: A Big Hug ::

At the moment when I feel like dying.

When I feel like I am almost giving up.

I just need a big hug so badly.

I just need a hug from someone and to tell me that everything is gonna be alright.

People say that.

“ The best way to lose something is by wanting it so much.”

But how to lose something I don’t even have it?

Hehehe.

Mr SW said to me yesterday.

“It`s all in your head.”

Which is true.

But show me someone in my shoes who won`t be thinking too much.

;)

God is great.

:: Nomad ::

Today I feel so relieved!!

Loads of things have been going on for the past few days.

I was exhausted till today.

And so far this morning has been better!

Hope things will be better again from now on.

I have been a nomad since Monday.

I have a home where I feel like I don’t belong.

I used to feel good when my landlady was away.

But since she came back donia saya menjadi gelap gulita.

I shall not tell you what had happened.

Coz I don’t want any of you to vomit blood.

And I don’t want you to get constipation too!

But I still want to tell that one of the things that had happened.

Was really something terribly awful.

Yang menyebabkan saya sembelit selama 5 hari.

Owh thank you my landlady.

Have you been wanting me to bond so much with my sisa buangan?

Argh!

Owh luckily today saya sudah membuang.

Sorry this entry mcm tak senonoh kan?

Yea dia dah bagi saya terkejut sampai 5 hari tak buleh beraks u olls!

Tu blom masuk lagi the list of Christmas gifts she`s been hinting to me.

I am so going crazy.

The condition of the house each time I come back home.

I just feel like killing myself.

I dunno why on earth do I always get stuck with some freaks!!

Or is it just me?

So I am in the midst of looking for a new place again.

Means again I have to spend the money I don’t have.

I have been sooo happy with my life even after I broke up.

I started to feel alive again.

I dunno why she has to come back and ruin everything.

God bless her.

I have to thank Mama & Mr SW for helping me out alot.

Merempat ntah ke mana2 la saya kalau dorang ni tak de.

Thank you for being there for me.

I can see that things are going on better with me and Mr SW after the break up.

I mean I can see us sitting down and talking like human would.

No more shouting and screaming and swearing.

Well, in a way.

It is good.

But I have to say that I know I am being emotional again now.

Not about the relationship anymore.

Tapi saya sangat pasrah dengan kerenah tuan tanah itu.

Dah la nak cari rumah bukannya senang.

I hope things will get better.

I really am praying.

On the other hand.

A younger cousin brother of mine is getting engaged on Sunday.

And apparently my parents will have to help out with the rombongan meminang.

Which also mean that I`ll have to be there.

Kalau tak Mama mesti buat muka.

And which also mean that I`ll be interrogated again.

“Bila nak kawen ni?

Awat tanak kawen?

Memilih sangat ke ni?”

I could see myself being stressed again.

Owh my god.

Can I just be happy for God`s sake?

                              handsome tak saya?

:: Save The Last Dance ::

Yesterday I didn’t really go anywhere.

I`ve got my menses early in the morning so I had some menstrual pain goin on.

But to think that Sunday is Mama`s Day.

I told her I`d still take her out.

We went out for a while in the afternoon.

She kept saying that we should be back home.

Since she could see that I was struggling with the pain.

I felt bad that I couldn’t take her out for long.

But I was really stubborn I didn’t wanna take the pain killer.

So I had to go home to rest.

I watched this dance movie called Center Stage Turn It Up.

I am a sucker for all this dance movies.

I love them all.

Step Up, Honey, Storm The Yard.

You Got Served.

I so love them all.

 

I love the story lines.

I love to see them getting in love while dancing.

Owh sangat jiwangnya saya ini!!

Saya kan kurang kasih sayang.

Bila tgk suma ni saya pun gedik la kan?

Well.

This one movie.

Turn It Up.

The story line was more or less the same as others.

The acting was not so cool though.

But it is acceptable coz that`s not why they are hired.

They are hired for the skills they have.

Their dances are awesome!!

They do more than just ballet!

But as of today.

My all time favourite is always Save The Last Dance.

I love how the story line goes.

A white girl moves to stay with her dad who stays in a Black neighbourhood.

She is a ballerina.

How difficult it is for her to make friends with others.

And when she falls in love with a black guy who is into hip hop.

They manage to combine the dances into one and it is so beautiful.

How they fight despite of the obstacles they face in their relationship.

But they could do it!

;)

When I watch all these movies.

I often thought that how good it would be if I could dance like them.

Boleh la saya mempunyai bofreng yang boleh menari dan handsome juga.

Owhhhh mula dah!!
And when I watch any movie where I can see the guy kissing on his girl`s forehead.
I`ll be so sad.
That`s all I wanted.
A kiss on my forehead would mean the world to me ;)
Dream on la kan?

Hehehe.

Coz when I watched the movies.

I started to think

“What`s so special about me?”

I don’t have anythin.

I don’t dance well.

I don’t look like a super model.

Hurm.

But again.

We are all born with our own specialties.

Whether or not you realize it today.

You surely have at least one with you.

Time will tell.

Owh mula lah saya nak balik mencari DVD tersebut!

Masa untuk berangan.

Save The Last Dance.

:: November 12th ::

Exactly 5 years ago.

On this date.

I was having a very good time in KL.

With my very2 good friends.

On Acapan`s birthday.

Hehehe.

I was not sure of my feeling towards Acapan.

But I did have a bit of love.

I think.

Yeaaaa aku tau kecik2 aku dah gatal!

So I have told Cik Putis and Cik Demok (ampun!)

That I`ll be celebrating his 21^st birthday in KL.

That was when a plan came up.

Cik Putis will be meeting him up somewhere.

Coz she would pretend like I have passed her a birthday gift to be given to him.

Then I`ll come up to him.

While planning.

Cik Demok said she wanted to come as well.

Coz she could settle some of her “stuffs” (ehem!) while being there.

Wow!

It was good to have everyone I love together to celebrate his birthday.

I went to KL a day before his birthday.

Siap merempit dengan Bon-Bon dari Bangsar sbb tak de transport nak pegi umah Cik Putis!

Hahahaha.

I have forgotten what I bought for his birthday.

But I remembered his favourite marble cheese cake from Secret Recipe.

We were at Times Square by the time he called up.

So we decided to wait for him at the Mc D near the theme park.

I was so nervous when the lift was wide opened.

And he couldn’t stop smiling till he comes to hug me.

I could see tears on his eyes.

Oh my!!

I was so happy!

Right after that Cik Demok arrived.

Triple joys!

We went all over KL together.

We had fun watching Chicken Little at Mines.

Where Cik Putis and Bon-Bon gaduh2 manja.

We enjoyed the view of Putrajaya when we went to Alamanda.

In Alamanda Cik Putis merajuk sbb Bon-Bon tanak amik pics sama2.

Hahahaha.

We were lost at the car park in Mid Valley.

Hahaha.

Not to mention some dirty thoughts Cik Putis has when 5 of us were in the room at Cititel.

Cik Putis.

U know what I mean!!!

We then headed back to Cik Putis`s place to have laksa berapi.

Gila aku sampai nangis2.

Masa tu ada org dapat nice neck massage owhhh!!

Hahahaha.

The next day we all met for lunch at our favourite spot.

Burger King.

We had so much fun there.

The best when I could see him smiling again all the time.

I felt that my efforts were all worth it.

After Cik Putis left with Bon-Bon.

Cik Demok left for Terengganu.

We spent some time together around KL.

We were having a very good time.

And that late evening.

I was suppose to leave.

But he stopped me.

After considering that I didn’t really spend good quality time with him.

I decided to stay for another day.

:)

Wow I didn’t realized I spent 4 days in KL for his birthday.

Till today.

Hahahaha.

The last day was somehow a bit slow.

I was sad to leave.

Lepak Petaling Street dolu baru balik.

Sbb umo 20 dolu mana mampu nak amik flight all the time kan?

Sanggup je naik bus.

Owh those were the days.

I was very2 happy!

He kept thanking me for giving him a great surprise on his 21^st bday.

A very appreciative man he was.

I myself didn’t really appreciate when he keeps saying “Thank you”.

As time goes by.

I could feel the heartache.

When all the birthday surprises I have given to someone else were not appreciated at all.

Instead that someone kept saying.

That the only birthday he could remember was when he was away in the UK.

Coz that was the best apparently.

Well.

Never mind.

Life has to go on.

To Mr S.

We didn’t make it together.

But it was fun having you around.

Wishing you a very happy birthday.

I am happy to see that you`re very happy with your marriage.

You deserve it :)

:: One In A Million ::

Haha.
Dalam dok feeling senyum while watching this video.
Sweet gila lagu ni.
But the end bit made me laugh like nobody`s business.
Hahahahahahahhaaha.
That end bit was soooo me!!

:: Bee-You-Tee-Fool ::

Another boring day.

I am so sleepy now.

Thinking of having green tea in a bit.

Or should I just go for coffee instead?

It`s been a while since I had coffee in the office.

Fuhhh rasa mcm nak switch off lampu and tido bawah meja.

Heaven!

On the other hands.

Things have been goin on well so far.

I am glad I have becoming myself again.

I used to have lack of confidence of myself.

I used to think I was not pretty enough.

I used to think that I was not attractive.

I used to think that I was a really useless GF.

Call me stupid.

That`s who I was totally.

For about 3 years.

Thanks to my ex BF now.

Well let`s call him SW from now on :)

Enough of the negativities.

I am now a whole new different person.

Or probably I am back to who I was 3 years back.

I am happy.

I am energetic.

I am free!

I started to gain my confidence back.

I started to feel like I am bee-you-tee-fool again!

I started to see the glow on my skin.

I started to appreciate the curve of my body.

Not that I am being so self conscious.

But OMG I just love myself again!!

I just don’t know how to describe the happiness I feel now.

After all the years of insecurity.

Of emotional turbulences.

I am recovering fast.

I guess it shows that I was really hurt before.

I`ve learned great lessons from the relationship.

I`ve learned to put myself first.

I`ve learned not to let anyone belittle me.

I`ve learned not to allow myself to be blamed all the times.

And I`ve also learn that whoever doesn’t like the way I am can get lost!

I have to thank SW for all these.

And most of all.

I have to thank Mr M.

The Iranian guy.

I don’t care if I was not the only girl you talked to the other day.

But you`ve brought the confidence back in me.

Knowing that I am still attractive to others.

:: Single & Lovin` It ::

I don’t really feel like updating this blog today actually.

Well.

It`s not that saya frust menonggeng tergolek dawg suma.

I am glad to say that it`s not that at all.

I am in fact a better human being.

And I am proud of myself.

Ecehhhh!!

Bukan la tak sedey langsung.
Sedey la jugak memula.
Nak kata tak lalu makan pun tak jugak.
Cuma abit slow la.
Satu sudu.
Satu suduuuu.
Tiga pinggan licin!
;)

I don’t feel so heartbroken really.

I feel so relieved after I broke up.

But I won`t deny that I was pissed of the way I was treated.

That one I will admit.

Definitely.

But to think of it.

There is no point having so much of hatred in me.

Not like it`s gonna change anything.

So I let go.

We`re still friends.

And I hope this friendship will work better than a relationship.

It is normal that once in a blue moon I would feel like I miss him.

But he would be just a call away ;)

Probably I am fine because I am still having him around.

Well I have not met him for few days now.

But I am fine.

Probably also I am fine because I am grateful of what I have.

The same life.

The same people around.

But no heartache.

Not having the feeling of being unappreciated.

Owh I tell you God is great!

Saya redha.

In fact I am happy of the way I am living my life now.

I`ve got to meet my friends.

And free to lepak till 2-3am.

I`ve got to meet Mama almost every day.

Well more or less the same routine but definitely better than last time!

This morning when I came to work.

I received an email with a quote that made me smile.

“Single doesn’t always mean lonely.

Relationship doesn’t always mean happy.”

Who ever came up with this quote.

You`re brilliant!

I am happy of what I have now.

I am grateful.

And guess what?

Very few friends of mine know that I broke up.

And worse was when most of them say things like

“Congratulations!”

And

“Let`s celebrate!!!”

Hahaha.

Thank you for being so mean u peeps!

Owh there was an Iranian guy who hits on me last week.

Not proud of it though.

But it`s good to know that I am not so UNdesirable anyway.

;)

I leave you guys with this tune.
I am so outdated that I only heard about Maher Zain today from Ms D.
I dont even know that he was here for a concert.
Cool tune though.

Thank you Ms D.
This is very soothing!!

:: Untitled ::

:: Time Heals Almost Everything..Give Time..Sometimes ::

A 2^nd entry for today.

It`s only 538pm and I have more than an hour to finish work.

The day is so damn boring!

Free pun aku complain.

Busy pun aku complain.

Human is really an ungrateful creature kan?

Why can`t we just shut the F up and carry on?

Okay ter-emo pula di situ.

Muehehehe.

Actually I feel a bit reluctant to write this entry.

For I think it is too private to be shared.

And also because few of my readers (aiyoo perasan sudah..ada readers konon!!).

Know me personally.

So it means that they do know him too.

I do not want to tarnish his reputation.

I should be thinking of his pride too (water face buleh?).

But again.

The initial idea of having this blog is for me to pour my feelings out.

And I think I had enough of taking care of others feelings.

While mine are being ignored.

Just now.

I was reading something.

Then suddenly a thought came across my mind.

His voice.

It was telling me something.

All this while I have been thinking.

That despite of all the wrongdoings.

I still loved that man.

But somehow there was one particular thing that hurts me so much.

It was killing me by days.

I just couldn’t figure what was that.

But after I heard the voice again just now.

Telling me that one thing.

I was in tears without me realizing it.

Thank you Mr MD for giving me this room.

Tak de la org nampak aku dok emo kan?

Then I decided to stop thinking about it.

I started to remind myself that despite being a bit unreasonable.

He was the one who made me smile and laugh.

Dgn sapa aku boleh melawak maki hamun bagai kan?

He was the one who would be listening to all my grumbles.

He was the one who I turned to whenever I need.

But then the voice came to me again.

Then I realized.

It is this one particular thing that has been haunting and hurting me.

All this years.

And yet I stayed.

Well everything happens for a reason.

I am sure it works the same for me.

If I have not met the wrong.

Then how am I suppose to meet the right kan?

Cehhhh..nak meet the right bagaiiii??

Masa emo dok kata tanak dah kan?

Serik dah kan?

Terkemaluan sebentar.

Well it was only a part of speech kan?

Hehehe.

Cover line lagi!

But seriously.

While you have never done anything wrong.

Even when your man has no intention of hurting you.

How would you feel.

When he tells you.

“ I have lost the desire towards you “

It kills me.

It sure does.

:: I Am A Big Big Girl ::

Those were the days when things were goin on very smoothly.

We loved this song coz it was very meaningful by then.

But now it is no longer a matter.

The game is over.

The love has far away gone.

The  desire of his I mean.

The love as someone so close and has taught each other a lot.

Would always be there.

I am grateful that I am not meroyan-ing now.

I am grateful that we ended this in a good way.

I am grateful that I will finally have my life back.

Not to say that my life with him was a hell.

But it was a bit of a disaster.

Hahaha.

I am glad that we are still friends.

Quite shocking that he finally decided on trying to have.

A friendship after a relationship.

:)

I miss those days when we`ll have fun at night.

I miss those days when we woke up smiling to each other.

And I miss those days when we always had something to do before leaving to work.

;)

Those were the days.

Really.

I know things have been planned.

I know everything has been destined.

But I also believe that what had happened was my Karma.

We know that God pay us back in cash rite?

There was a man who loved me so much.

Who was willing to sacrifice everything for me.

Who was willing to convert to marry me.

But I left him.

In fact I didn’t even take him seriously.

Because he was a freak who kept track about everything in my life.

Hehehe.

So now I have someone who doesn’t bother at all.

I mean I had.

Hahaha.

Life has taught me sooo much!!

But now.

I am all prepared if not so geared up.

I am looking forward to what life has to offer.

I am looking forward an emotionally-stabled life.

:: 02-11-2010 ::

I don’t have any intention of updating this blog actually.

Even when I just got back from Langkawi and I have loads to tell.

But I just need to capture this date today :)

02-11-2010.

Nice number :)

Number 2 will never leave me alone.

No?

Hehe.

Great day ahead ppl!