:: Great Day..Great People ::

Heya,Bloggy!!

I feel quite happy today.

I mean.

I feel relaxed!

I woke up early today as the maid came in to clean the house.

She comes in every Wednesday.

After I met her.

I resumed to bed for another half an hour.

Then woke up again  at 7.30am.

I was ready by 8.30 and it was kinda shocking.

Time flew so slow.

So I did meditate for abit before I left for work.

Reached office early.

Playing around with the colleagues.

Laughing while eating chocolates we got from a colleague who just got back from Langkawi.

And when I came into my room and switched on my pc.

I received an email from a good friend saying

“While men think "why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?" the women
actually realize that it is not worth to buy the whole pig just to get a
little sausage :)”

Hahaha.

Kinda cute!

Then I put that up on my FB status.

I saw Ms D`s status saying

“Just because he doesn't love you as you wish,

 it doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all his heart”

Also true.

Hurm so many things are going on.

Hehehe.

But the most happiest thing for me this morning.

Is when I received a text saying that a friend of mine.

Had delivered to her first baby girl.

And everybody is happy.

So it`s 20102010 then :)

A great way to start my day.

I hope all great things are coming too.

Great day to you too!

:: The Stress & Being Grateful ::

Well.

I am finally back to the office.

And God knows how relieved I feel that I am here.

Hahaha those 2 days that I was off really made me feel like they were forever.

Slalu malas nak kerja tapi skrg hati asyik kata

“Kalau la ari ni masuk office!”

Owh myyyyyy.

Seronoknya masuk office dan membuat kerja sendiri.

Hati berbunga2 riang.

Macam poyo tak penah masuk office plak bunyinya.

Padahal berlambak je keje pending.

Well.

Let`s start with my new place.

Proses pemindahan was held on Saturday night.

Mr BF helped me out with everything.

Owh yea he managed to come back to Penang in the evening.

So off we went to my new place.

Unpacking the stuffs.

He left at about midnite.

So there I was.

Feeling excited looking at my new place.

I felt like I`ve brought the whole house to move there.

But ended up my small room looks like I don’t have anything much.

Hurm.

My landlady is a sweet Chinese lady.

She has a major spinal problem that even MRI couldn’t detect the cause.

But somehow she is so strong and still going on with life.

The only thing about her is that she tends to talk a lot.

A lot that you could find her talking for 3 hours non-stop if you don’t stop her.

But I do understand.

She was staying alone.

Her family abandoned her and think that she made up all the stories about her sickness.

And worse.

She is even separated from the husband and kids.

Well I shouldn’t be telling anything about her here.

But because I have to relate some things to this later.

So yea.

She tends to tell me a lot of grandmother`s stories.

Which I could understand because she has no one to talk to.

So when she has someone with her.

She gets excited that she could express her feelings out.

I don’t blame her.

But too much of it till I sleep late every night listening to her.

Causing me to be so stressed.

I didn’t have the heart to cut her off.

For I understand that we human need attention when we are sick and lonely.

So I kept listening.

But I had so little sleep and when I woke up in the morning I`d be listening to her again.

Till the time I had to see Mama.

For the whole day.

This is another thing.

Mama is stressed of something as well and it was my duty to entertain her and make her happy!

I would take her anywhere she would wanna go.

I`ll walk everywhere as long as she`s happy.

Not that I am making fuss out of it but sometimes I do feel very tired too.

Tetapi demi ibu yg seorang di dunia itu saya turutkan saja.

Mama pun banyak kali mintak maaf sbb menyusahkan saya.

Tapi sebagai anak takkan saya nak kata ibu saya itu menyusahkan?

I love her so much that I am willing to do anything for her.

Memikirkan bila balik rumah dalam keadaan yang sangat letih bersama mata yang sudah susah nak bukak.

Tetiba kene mendengar tuan tanah bercerita lagi.

I felt so stressed.

So I sat at the garden all alone before I went into the house.

I felt so stressed I called Mr BF and cry!!

Hahaha.

He suggested that I go back to my old place as the room is still mine till this month end.

I thought that was a good idea.

So I went into the house to find my landlady was in pain.

I didn’t have the heart to leave her alone.

And something was telling me to stay put.

So there I was again listening to her till at 12 I went back to my room.

I even told her I am also stressed with some problems that sometimes I won`t be able to spend so much time talking to her as usual.

Plus I finish work late every day.

I felt bad telling her that but I simply had to.

I had enough with Limah Jongs I can`t afford to have another.

I mean not that I won`t be talking to her at all but perhaps not up to 2-3 hours a day.

I am exhausted myself.

But secretly in my heart.

I am very grateful to God that despite all the problems I have in the world.

Mama is always around for me.

She`s the cause of my happiness eventhough aku slalu kene melawat 2-3 shopping malls sekali kuar.

But my landlady.

She is all alone by herself.

So much problems and sicknesses.

No company.

No love.

No attention.

But me.

I might not have a very good domestic life.

But I have all the companies I need.

I have a job.

I have a car to move around.

I have a family.

And today as I came in to work.

I was shocked to know about someone I know who had been robbed.

Siap kene kelar dgn parang kat leher and tangan.

Nasib baik tak putus urat!

And knowing that she has gone through so much of sh*ts in her life within this year.

Again I feel so grateful.

She broke up with her ex-bf.

She lived alone at a place.

Was jobless.

With loads of financial issues.

Her house was broken into.

All her electronic gadgets were gone.

And now.

When she`s slowly getting up.

She`s facing this trauma.

Owh God.

I always thought my life is so miserable.

But now I really have to be grateful of what I have.

I am.

Very thankful to God.

May the landlady and this someone I know be blessed.

Amin.

P/S : Right when I am writing this entry, Ms D comes up with a very good news that makes me smile.

        Congrats,girlfriend. I am so happy for you ;)

           

:: All Over Again ::

At Mama`s now.
I have shifted to my new place last night.
It was abit sad for me to leave the place I`ve resided for the past 32 months.
Felt like I`ve been living there forever!
Haha tetiba mcm melancholic pulak!
I mmg over.
But really.
God knows how bad I felt.
Looking at the place.
But somehow.
I still can go back there anytime I want.
Coz my last day there would be this month end.
Plus I still have my belongings there.
And my biggest teddy is still there.

I went over just now.
To pick up some of the remainings.
But guess what?
I really don`t feel at home when I was there.
In fact I already have the thought of my "P" new place is my home.
Quite strange.
And too fast I would say.
But yea.
I am happy with the changes.
;)

Good for me.
Good for my teddy bear.
And good for Limah Jongs.

As for the new place.
It feels good to be there.
At first I felt like the room was quite small for me.
As I used to have bigger bed.
But now I dah kene downgraded.
Ke single bed aje.
But surprisingly I felt like it was so spacious last night.
Ntah apsal.
But it`s a good sign I think.
Looks like I`m settling down slowly.
Pindah rumah pun nak kecoh kan?
Bukan pindah rumah je.
Pindah segala2nya.
Tapi hati blom pindah lagi ;)

My room is full of red colour now.
I feel like the old time is coming back.
I hope I am right!

P/S : Pics from Uncle Google sahaja u olls!

:: Wednesday ::

Today is Wednesday.

I haven’t shifted to my new place yet.

Atas sebab2 tertentu.

I`ll be moving there officially on this Saturday.

Don`t know how rushing it would be.

Since Saturday is my cousin`s wedding.

And I`ll have to be there till everything is done.

And go back to my current place.

Pick up more stuffs and that`s it.

The whole new episode of my life.

Not whole actually.

But quite a big part :)

I have not been feeling anything at all.

Nothing.

But today.

I feel a bit heavy hearted.

No doubt this is what I have been looking forward to.

I so wanted a new life.

But nothing can beat the excitement of not having to see Limah Jongs anymore!

Mr BF will be going outstation again tomorrow.

Will be back on Saturday.

Which won`t really happen like dat.

Coz usually he`ll have to stay back for at least another day.

So I`ll have to shift my stuffs alone.

And when he`s back.

His gf will no longer be staying with Limah Jongs!

:: Monday Morning ::

Just got into the office a while back.

Feel very tired as I am having my “best friend” with me.

Boss is coming in today and it doesn’t really feel nice.

Hehehe.

I need TLC on my first day of period.

Not a lot of works!

Okay tetiba emo.

Hehehe.

I was reading Limah Jong`s blog.

Now I realise that she has a stalker.

That is me!!

Hahaha.

Well I never wanted to stalk her.

Just curious on what lie she has today or yesterday.

Okay I am a stalker!!

Hahaha.

I actually wanna write about something.

I know I am not always right.

I have my flaws and scars.

And when others are doing wrong.

(In my eyes)

I shouldn’t really complain.

I mean.

I am a human being anyway.

I can`t just not complain at all.

I am no saint.

But I can always minimize it.

(Except for the times I get totally pissed!)

I actually feel bad when I complained about someone last week.

Not that I feel it because he`s being good to me now.

No.

But I see that he is not that bad after all.

We are human.

We have our wants.

We have our needs.

And what I want might not be the same as you.

And my needs may not be delivered by you.

I do know that.

But sometimes when he is too rebellious I couldn’t take it.

I`d behave the same way and we`ll be right in War of the Genders.

But I know.

That deep down his heart.

He never meant to hurt me.

It`s just that he got so frustrated with his life.

But I hope one day he`ll realize that these few years we had.

Are surrounded with good vibrations and joys too.

Not only negativities.

What an emotional post on Monday morning.

Tapi.

Ada aku kesah?

Great news is I received 2 packs of Almond Gold Whittaker`s Chocolate from Langkawi.
How I wish I could be relaxing in LGK now!!

:: Attraversiamo ::

Last night I went to watch Eat Pray Love.

Like other any other movies that are adapted from books.

This movie doesn’t do the book and the whole story any justice.

This one is way below my expectation.

But again.

How can you expect a 352 pages of story to have been told fully in a 2 hour movie?

But I think they really should`ve highlighted some important facts of the book.

Like first of all.

I don’t think ppl really understand why was she crying in the bathroom.

Talking to God for the first time.

And the voice that she heard saying

“Go back to bed, Liz!”

They didn’t even come back to tell whom does the voice belong to?

And how did the voice comes?

Because after all.

The voice was the one helping her out through the bad times.

And finally she got to know whose voice that was.

And where the h*ll was the notepad she uses to write to God?

That she had God replying back to her in the same book?

There were some scenes that were also very contradicting from the book.

I was really waiting for the part when Ketut says

“Why do they make it so complicated in India with meditation?”

But he did not say that in the movie at all.

Instead he straight away taught her to sit and smile!

Probably it could be a sensitive issue.

She was not asked to make the copies of the medicine books belong to Ketut.

I mean she did not have to write them down in new books.

Ketut was just showing to her.

And when she saw the books were dying.

She told Ketut she would take the books and come back after a few hours.

That was when she took the books and bring them to town.

And had them photocopied.

But in the movie.

She had to write them down!

And she wasn`t hit by Felipe`s car.

She was hit by a bus if I am not mistaken.

Can`t really recall what the vehicle was but definitely not Felipe.

They met for the first time at a party.

She did not break up with Felipe like a scene at almost the end of the movie.

It was not even on the book.

Or was it me who couldn`t recall at all?

Hurm.

And she had never met Felipe`s son.

Okay I am getting so emotional with this already.

Because I really spent time reading the book.

And the bad times she had gone through really taught me loads of things.

But I couldn’t see that in the movie making me so frustrated.

Thank God they never cut the scene where she learnt

“Attraversiamo!”

Had that word on my FB status for quite sometimes.

Hahaha.

I better stop talking before I become the worse critic on earth ever.

But really wish they would show the important parts instead of making up something that did not happen.

So.

Attraversiamo peeps :)

Have a great weekend ahead.

P/S : Sorry if I spoil your semangat berkobar2 to watch this movie.

        Owh yea.

        I think this role would be better if played by Sarah Jessica Parker.

        Oupsss hehehe.

:: Luahan Perasaan ::

Boss called up saying that he won`t be in today.

So MERDEKAAAA was the first word on my mind right after I hung up.

Started looking at my desk.

Most of the jobs are done.

Except for some that I need ppl to send me details for me to proceed with my things.

But too bad.

Everybody is busy.

No one sends me anything.

Means I have a long list of pending jobs.

Yet I am so free.

I am trying not to think much.

Perhaps I should try to meditate now.

Well.

I`ll do that later.

Now I just wanna write everything out.

Well not everything.

But most of the things.

That`s the purpose of me having this blog anyway.

Like I said in the previous entry.

I`d rather not to find the right one.

As long as I don’t have to meet the wrongs.

I mean it.

Really!

I know we tend to say loads of unwanted.

And unnecessary things when we are angry.

But even now when I am no longer pissed.

I still do think the same like last night.

I tried so hard to accommodate others` needs.

I tried so hard to understand their feelings.

I tried so hard to make them happy.

This includes ignoring my feelings and my needs.

That are so contra to theirs.

This also means letting go of my desires.

This also means putting up with a broken heart.

Why?

Just to make them feel good.

Just to make them live.

Coz I don’t want them to get hurt.

But when I care too much of others.

The only person I am hurting is my own self.

People say.

When you can`t change the world.

Change yourself.

If you can`t change yourself.

Then angkat kaki blah jauh2.

That is the best thing for me to do too.

But angkat kaki is not as easy as it sounds.

I don’t know what kinda life I am stuck in.

For an instance.

I still can`t really digest this.

Someone asks you out for dinner.

OUT.

When you`re about to go out.

He tells you that you can eat whatever you want.

He`ll wait.

Then you`ll go with him to the place he wants.

To wait for him to have his meal.

WTF is this?

When I got pissed and say that might as well we don`t go together.

He got even more pissed at me.

When I said I could compromise.

He said only dumbf*cks do that.

When last time he got to know that a couple does that.

(The GF was so furious of the idea but she had no choice)

He said that the BF was so inconsiderate.

But now he said what they are doing is liberal.

Hurm.

Something big for me to think about.

Probably this is how liberal persons think.

I aint no liberal you see!!

Last time.

I did compromise for quite a lot of things that happened on the same night.

He kept changing plan according to his needs.

Sorry.

His wants.

Not needs.

Okay we were going through a direction of A when he wanted to divert coz he wanted something else at B.

Promising me to come back to A for my dinner after he gets what he wants at B.

But when he got what he wanted at B he finally change his mind again telling me

“Let`s not go to A.”

While I was waiting for goddamn hours to be at A.

While the plan to go to A was made few days back and I was craving!

Then I showed my emotion.

I was then accused UNFLEXIBLE.

But when I was trying to be flexible last night.

I was a dumbf*ck.

I really don`t understand.

I am really trying to forget things and move forward.

But I guess what I am feeling now is just like a cancer.

It is accumulating and by time it is becoming bigger.

Regardless of how I am trying to ignore it.

Because.

After all.

I am only a human being.

I am no saint.

I can`t just forgive and forget the whole time.

I have already so many scars on my heart.

And yet I am getting more wounds.

When will I be able to get healed?

I am sorry I do not mean to embarrass anyone here.

How I wish none of the ppl reading my blog knows me.

So that I could say whatever I feel.

Without having anyone pointing finger to anyone else at all.

Probably I should deactivate this account.

And activate another one which no one will know.

But then again.

Why do I still have to bother about others?

This is my life anyway.

You see.

I am mentally tortured.

I am emotionally abused.

Well it is easy for me to accuse someone to be doing this to me.

Probably I should get myself a mirror.

To see that I am causing him an emotional turbulences too.

To see that I am harming him.

I myself know that we were in good shape lately.

That  we were happy spending our last moments together.

And it is not fair for me to come up with this entry because of only one misunderstanding we had.

This will make him look so bad.

But again.

I am a human being.

I do have feelings.

I want to feel appreciated.

And last night.

When he told me I was acting like a mafia because now I could leave.

And when he told me that he was afraid of me all this while.

Because I like to whine.

And he hates that.

It hurts me so much I don’t think the wound would ever be healed.

Alot of people said that you don’t have to tell too much of your personal stories.

“Tak yah cite hal dalam kain kat org”

I don’t mean to cerita hal dalam kain.

I just need to let my feelings out.

And I am sorry.

I know he`s trying hard too.

I hope he`ll find a good life ahead.